To radically change, we must be willing to break our hearts

Thoughts on heartbreak, sitting with discomfort, and how this impacts the future of the planet.

In a fast-paced society, there is no time for sitting with pain and discomfort, in fact, we spend our lives running from this, for we must power through! However, this thought misses the very important point that these are necessary investments for progress and that they can co-exist with joy, beauty, and creation.

Below the essay, you will find a ritual about sitting with discomfort and a playlist to accompany your week.

In the audio, I read an excerpt from Pema Chodron’s book (which I gifted myself when my heart was broken with a note: for all the times you may need this). I also left a little spring equinox bonus reflection and ritual.

Enjoy the essay 🌻

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Today I was reading through a diary of mine and read this note I wrote to myself:

Tell yourself the truth, even if it hurts, especially if it hurts. Dig into the layers of your past. Get uncomfortable.

I recall that back then I was living a moment of utter inspiration, I was on the other side of a dark tunnel of heartbreak that helped me really get my bearings about who I was but also what I wanted. I had sat with pain for a while and gotten almost comfortable with it, and I had realised that with pain came true change. Yes, I had suffered, but I had also realised that pain - and discomfort- were necessary investments for progress.

Think of an estuary, a place where one water transforms into another, it can get messy. The water is neither salty nor sweet, sometimes deep other times shallows, they are places currents can be strong, and the water is often murky. This unique blend makes estuaries both delicate ecosystems and abundant environments. In the banks of estuaries, you can find a cornucopia of life and a great example of adaptability. Many animals rely on estuaries for food, places to breed, and migration stopovers.

Estuaries remind me of the advantage that there is in sitting with discomfort, in murkiness, and not removing yourself from the situation. Transition and radical change can only happen in a place where pain and discomfort are accepted. In a conversation I had with writer Sophie Strand recently (coming soon in this newsletter), we discussed the beauty of heartbreak, she told me “I think that my heart is broken. But that feels like a generous place to plant things, because you can only plant things in a broken heart, because there's space, you know, it's been cracked open.” Escaping discomfort cannot bring change, which can also be seen at a political and global level.

A few days ago, the IPCC environmental report was published, the scientists who wrote it informed this will be the last for a few years, perhaps sending the message that it is now up to governments to truly face this crisis. The report states what was already shared by many: greenhouse gases have transformed and damaged our planet radically, and governments need to prioritize equity in their response to avoid irreversible damage and suffering, writes Yessenia Funes on Atmos. What was deeply uncomfortable about the report, is its urgent message: “There is a rapidly closing window of opportunity to secure a liveable and sustainable future for all.” Are we able to truly reckon with this pain?

The solutions needed to reverse this damage are here, but there is a lack of political will and imagination needed for this to happen. Industries, and humans, are deeply dependent on fossil fuels and unless this relationship ends, things are not going to change. This is a toxic dependent relationship, and we must be willing to break our hearts if we want to leave it.

To dismantle the systems that are destroying our well-being and that of the planet, we will need to face discomfort. Especially privileged people.

I see my parent's generation (boomers) not even wanting to make the effort of waiting for the wind to blow and putting the airconditioning right away- straight to comfort to ease the suffering. I really wonder if politicians are truly willing to face the pain of discomfort in order to make room for other generations to flourish, but change is incredibly scary, and our patriarchal and capitalist system loves to be stuck in its ways.

Politicians must think for younger generations, they must break their hearts by eating accountability for breakfast and living with the pain that they are deciding to do nothing about this because they are not willing to get uncomfortable. It is not surprising that humans spend their lives escaping heartbreak without recognising the enchanted worlds that a cracked heart can show us.

Discomfort means telling ourselves the truth and holding ourselves accountable when we seek distraction instead of centre. I’ve always been sold the idea that life is suffering, and a good life is when you avoid it at all costs. Then I discovered the difference between suffering and conscious sacrifice, of pain as a necessary investment for progress. That can go hand in hand with joy, satisfaction, and fulfilment.

To echo the great bell hooks: “True resistance begins with people confronting pain... and wanting to do something to change it.”

According to the IPCC, we have seven years to cut emissions by half to prevent 1.5 degrees Celsius of warming, “past that point, sea level rise and heat waves reach new threat levels, especially for island nations and tropical countries” says Funes. My question is, are we willing to face the pain and heartbreak that is needed to deeply change?

Much love,

V

And now for the sensory part of the essay (for paying supporters), you will find a playlist and practice of sitting with discomfort.

In the audio find a bonus read, and a little spring equinox bonus reflection and ritual.