Ten things I've learned from fire about love
built a fireplace, thought about love.
Yesterday I arrived in an empty home to write for three days alone. I am here to write the beginning of what will become my book one day. The first thing I did when I arrived at the home was light a fire in the beautiful chimney at the centre of the living room.
As I arranged all the small and big pieces of wood to make sure that my fire would start in an optimal way I thought of the love and care that is needed to start anything, how we need to think of the minimal details to build a foundation that will last. Today is the first month of February which to me signifies the beginning of the month of love. Through the years, I have researched how to deconstruct love in the way I had grown up to understand it and find new ways to look at it.
I looked at love from an ecological perspective, interviewed an incredible woman from Puerto Rico working to make pleasure accessible for people of all ages, looked at love and collective liberation, and examined the work of bell hooks. This is a big topic, one that I keep learning about.
As I tried to start the fire I could not stop thinking about love, so here are ten things I’ve learned from fire about love.
one. a good foundation is key
two. a fire’s flame changes through time, it is never the same
three. fire needs time at first, and care after
four. a fire must be tended to
five. a strong flame at the beginning does not mean a lasting fire. In fact, stronger flames tend to be momentary
six. you must observe your fire closely
seven. when the fire starts dissipating, trust that it will come back to life, sometimes with care, sometimes with space
eight. dedication is key, and so is patience
nine. when it won’t start, leave it
ten. fire needs space to breathe.
I love this and I had a similar realisation about love as the song the fire in the house I was staying at last month 🥰😘 I wish you could make it to the love celebration and share some of your poetry :)
Your inspirational thought about 'love', taken from the functional act of lighting a fire, is valuable and creative and certainly characteristic of your presence of mind and thoughtful consideration of the nature of relationships and social interactions.
Although I no longer believe in 'love', I found this an interesting list in relation to what I consider to be the more significant need / feeling / emotion for humanity: *empathy.*
Many, if not most, I know will consider my distrust or negation of the value of the ubiquitous apparent belief in 'love.' I understand that.
My problem with the concept is not a suggestion that strong emotion, caring, attachment and etc. do not exist. Rather, my view is that the concept expressed as 'love' has been debased such that in many, if not most cases, when the term is used it is hollow, superficial, too carelessly used or considered and often dishonest, whether intentionally so or not.
Indeed, how I feel is, paradoxically, well expressed by your "ten things" by what I suggest is their absence from consideration or recognition even in most instances where 'love' is expressed.
Empathy, on the other hand, simply cannot exist without all these elements and more, in particular the essential need to be able to metaphorically stand in the other's shoes.
Of course, one may argue that this is simply semantics. I think not. Language is extremely powerful and yet understood and used less and less intelligently or correctly. Even many of those for whom their very tool of trade is language, show little competence in its use, let alone eloquence and nuance. It is very common today to see the opposite of what is intended because the author misuses a word, the definition of which is actually the opposite of what was meant.
There are many more issues that debase the concept of love, I feel. However, as this is a comment, not an article, here and now is probably not the place to explore them.