Finding balance

on committing to peace as a creative, and other struggles.

“Once a work is done it belongs to the people, the only thing that the artist really has is the process” Patty Smith

Ironically, the process of writing this essay was excruciating, but I persevered! Also, funnily enough, whilst I was writing it I received an email about artists and endurance, and how even Michelangelo struggled with endurance when he was painting the Sistine Chapel. The truth is that creativity can be extremely lonely, at least it is for me. The many voices in your head create an internal dialogue conditioned by capitalism, your own insecurity, your own enthusiasm, and your own yearning to share with others what you make (because you love it, and sometimes it has saved you). Today, I want to speak to that with tenderness.

Three weeks ago I arrived in a beautiful house overlooking a valley where I was to spend a whole week with 20 other creatives without technological interference (ergo: no phones). At dinner, whilst we chatted, it became obvious that, with creative jobs, what most of us struggled with was balancing the pressure of creative industries, who are puppeteering for a capitalist overlord, for us to constantly produce, our own fervour to constantly create, and the actual time and space needed to create things. When everyone had gone to bed, I sat with one of the participants, who became my soul companion on this journey. Derrelle, a wonderful soul and artist based in London, and I sat on extremely uncomfortable stony stairs covered in lichen and tiny pieces of stones and tried to formulate our intention for the next week. The irony of being uncomfortable and persevering in our quest to answer the ultimate question deserves attention, and perhaps a bit of laughter.

We shared our process and creative enthusiasm, the roots of our work, and the immense pressure we put on ourselves. The first entry of my notebook from the residency is:

Where is the balance?

What is the balance?

This past week brought this question back to me. Here in the Northern Hemisphere, after the madness of a summer spent dancing in the sun, we go back to a time of introspection, of visiting the inner landscapes of our being, and for one day within this transition, there is a balance between day and night: Autumn Equinox. It is ephemeral, and its brevity is a testament to the fact that balance is a state of constant adjustment. Let’s quest deeper.